Archive for the Science Fiction Category

Godzilla Vs. An Extraterrestrial Can Opener

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla vs. Gigan

The Japanese literal translation of Godzilla vs. Gigan (1972) is Earth Destruction Directive: Godzilla vs. Gigan. Cool, but a lot of syllables. The U.S. version was titled Godzilla on Monster Island. They didn’t ask me if they could change it.

Godzilla vs. Gigan

Giant insect aliens from Space Hunter Nebula-M come to Earth to colonize it (i.e., poop and pee on it). They do this by destroying everything in order to bring peace. (Big deal – we’ve already been doing that for years.) Masquerading as humans, the alien’s plans were captured on a tape recorder, and when played back, caught ears of Godzilla and Anguirus, who were hanging out on Monster Island, catching some rays.

Godzilla vs. Gigan

Godzilla sends his little beer b*tch Anguirus to check out the problem. That they do this back talking to each other – in English – really lent credibility to the plot (Their conversation sounds like something a hip-hop DJ does to vinyl.) But Godzilla knew he was gonna have to put on his work clothes and go knock boots with the aliens.

Godzilla vs. Gigan

Godzilla gets punched out and Gigan, who has a helmet with a cyclops eye, giant hook hands and a wicked neck-to-nut buzz-saw that, when activated, wrecks your shirt and everything in it, goes to mount him in a total Brokeback Mountain (2005) maneuver. That looked really uncomfortable. But the prison sex moment was interrupted by Anguirus. That was close. King Ghidorah also dog-piles on the party without being invited.

Comical over carnage, the only people watching 1970s Godzilla movies at this point were kids – and me.

Godzilla vs. Gigan

Zombies Fly First-Class

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Flight of the Living Dead

First it was Tail Sting (2001, scorpions on a plane), then Snakes On A Plane (2006, snakes on a plane), now Flight of the Living Dead (2007, zombies on a plane). No word if anyone is gonna make Octopus On A Plane. Because if they did, I HAVE to be in it. No matter, because this movie rocks.

Flight of the Living Dead

A woman is kept in a science box in the cargo of a transatlantic flight. Her body is filled with germs, that if studied, could lead to a new war weapon: a way for military guys who can keep fighting after they’ve been killed in combat. When turbulence causes the science box to open, an armed guard shoots the woman. But she comes back to life and eats his neck. (Snacks on a plane.)

Flight of the Living Dead

He then reanimates and bites passengers and causes a plight on this flight. To, um, juice things up a notch, the plane is flying headlong into not one but two gnarly storms, which cause the plane to rock and roll. Two cops are on board and they smartly use their automatic weapons in a pressurized cabin. The pilot and copilot have been zombified and a military jet is on their six (rear door) with orders to stop that plane at all costs.

Flight of the Living Dead

The blood, neck pieces and explosive violence is wildly fun. Where it really hits the gas is when the airplane door gets opened at 30,000 feet. What happens next is stuff of legend.

Book a flight with the undead – it’s the only way to rack up frequent die’r miles. P.S. I did a shorter review of this a while back, so like, don’t get all up in my cockpit about me being lazy.

Future Godzilla

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 15, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Future Godzilla

On the heels of the raging success of Godzilla (2014/over a half billion at the box office) – the greatest giant monster movie of all time according to me to myself – an announcement has been issued that a sequel is not only planned, but scheduled for release in June of 2018. This is good and bad news. Good that we’ll get another Godzilla movie. Bad, for me anyway, as I doubt my liver will hold out that long.

Future Godzilla

The future Godzilla movie will likely be called Future Godzilla, as predicted by me for myself, and is reputed to feature Mothra, Rodan, and Ghidorah as demolition derby opponents.

Old Godzilla

In the meantime, me/you/mostly me will be able to re-enjoy Godzilla when it arrives on Blu-Ray/DVD on September 16, 2014. That’s a Tuesday, a good day to go to the video store at the mall as all the obnoxious mall rats will be in school. I went to see Godzilla at the mall four times, three for IMAX 3D and one for standard viewing.

They could do a flip book of Godzilla and I’d still pay to see it.

Spanish Zombie Apocalypse

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

Been an enthusiastic fan of the [REC] Spanish zombie horror series, beginning on a stormy afternoon in 2007 (the seas were rough that day), and continuing with [REC] 2 in 2009, the impressive sequel involving the military coming in to see what all the face-eating fuss is about in that ill-fated apartment building. (You did see the first one and know what I’m yapping about, yes?)

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

Then came the inevitable cash-in/pointless [REC] 3: Genesis (2012), in which a wedding is crashed by face-eaters/well-wishers (taking place before, during and after the original outbreak that turned everybody into face-eaters/well-wishers).

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

Now comes [REC] 4: Apocalypse, first yapped about on this here barf blog on May 9, 2013 at 2:55PM. In that post I included the movie’s synopsis. Here it is again, practically word-for-word. I could’ve gussied it up, but crap, I’m really hungover today…

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

Angela Vidal wakes up in a high-security quarantine facility, sole survivor and witness to the horrific events inside the building. But does she remember what happened to her? Is she carrying a virus? Distrust spreads through the isolated facility while new, even more deadly forms of evil spread even faster.”

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

[REC] 4: Apocalypse FINALLY gets a release date in Spain this Halloween/2014. (Note to travel agents: [REC] was filmed in Barcelona with a budget of two million dollars. It made 32 million at the world box office. That’s a good return on your Euros.

It’s been bandied about that [REC] 4: Apocalypse is to be the final installment of the surprise hit zombie franchise. Good – that means I can star in the U.S. knock-off – [REC] 4.1: Death Hangover. I’ll be in full character.

The Dead Eating The Dead

Posted in Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , on August 11, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dead Creatures

Dead Creatures (2001) is a somewhat intriguing story of a group of transient chicks afflicted with a strange disease that makes them decompose over time while still being able to gossip and shop. The kicker is that to stay alive they can only digest human flesh (prepared with a little Hamburger Helper™, to make it palatable). I’m OK with that. I don’t know why.

Dead Creatures

A happy enough premise, but the hard gore has been edited out and how the ladies became rotten is never really explained. Furthering the confusion is a man who apparently hunts down homeless teens, ties them up in his basement, and wants answers. Then he shoots them through the back of the head with a nail gun. You hear it, but you don’t get to see it. Bummer.

Dead Creatures

There’s no build up, no tension, no empathy for the characters whose skin peels off like an old orange and/or mango, no great lines to quote at social functions and/or Tupperware™ parties. Another tragic case of DVD box art being better than the movie it showcases.

Sci-Fi Squared

Posted in Science Fiction with tags , , , , on August 9, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Cube

Six people wake up in 26×26-foot square rooms with no windows, coffee tables or recollection on how they got there. (I refer to this as King County’s drunk tank.) They soon discover there are many such “cubes” linked by way of a small portal, accessed through submarine-type doors.

Cube

Some cubes are “safe” while others are booby-trapped with really gnarly death devices. (The opening scene is quite picturesque as a guy gets sliced into handy serving portions by a grid of razor-thin/sharp wire.)

Cube

Each has a skill that, if everyone would quit pissing and moaning and pool their resources, they could possibly find a way out. There’s a wife-beating cop, a mousy mathematician, a paranoid VD doctor, a lethargic engineer, a pragmatic jail-break escape artist, and a mentally-handicapped guy who can’t stop flicking his own ear. Sounds like the last call crowd.

Cube

The arithmetic chick calculates they’re inside an even bigger cube and that there are well over 17,500 rooms in all. And guess what – not one bathroom! Things get deliciously nasty as the uncooperative group tries to figure out how to get out of this Rubik’s Cube of Doom without getting sliced into handy serving portions.

No nudity, but lots of swearing and suspense. Don’t be a square – watch Cube (1997) today.

Science Sharks

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Deep Blue Sea

In a bid to discover a cure for brain defects without using Budweiser™, a team of sea scientists genetically tinker with the thinkers of Mako sharks in order to extract their brain juice for a possible non-HMO supported cure.

Deep Blue Sea

Unforeseen is the nasty side-effect  – the sharks become smarter than the puny air-breathers. They hunt in packs (not six packs, as there are only three of ’em). They formulate strategies. They make dangling limb runs to 7-Ocean Eleven. (Heh.) And they scarf down flavorful humans as if they were popcorn shrimp.

Deep Blue Sea

Trapped in the sinking Aquatica (a floating science facility in the middle of the ocean), the doctors are systematically torn into seaweed as the 25-foot ragged-tooth sharks strap on the feedbag and sit down to a plentiful nine-course buffet.

Deep Blue Sea

Comparisons to Jaws are kept to a minimum (although a chick doctor in stylish panties and bra dispatches one chew boy by using an electric cable, ala Jaws 2/1978), and the human doggy bags are shown being gorged on in all their acting-with-your-mouth-full glory.

Deep Blue Sea (1999) is thin on plot, fat on action and full of lean, mean biting machines. Kinda makes you hungry just thinking about it.

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