The Creature From The Black Lagoon

The Creature From The Black LagoonThe above object d’ art is one of the more ingenious renderings I’ve seen on The Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954). It’s an island map, but it looks like the Creature himself. Why didn’t I think of that? I could be a millionaire right now if I did. Stupid brain cells, always letting me down.

You can own this magnificent poster illustrated by the easily-pronounced Laurent Durieux by going to Mondotees.com. Then again, since it went on sale Friday, September 21, 2012, it may in fact already be sold out. I would’ve said something sooner, but I was busy combing my hair.

If you haven’t seen The Creature From The Black Lagoon, pull up a sitting device and let me regale you with my knowledge of said classic cinematic monster.

The Creature From The Black LagoonAfter discovering the forearm/claw fossil skeleton of a previously uncategorized species, a boat-chartered expedition up the Amazon to find the rest of the creature is made post haste. Why the hurry? It’s a freakin’ fossil, not a pack of bologna.

When the rag-tag team of scientists and a supermodel get to the geology site, they find that the minimum-wage help sent there first has been torn to shreds. Dang it – finding good slave labor that deep in the jungle is about as easy to find as soap.

The Creature From The Black LagoonTheorizing that the dirt where the fossil was found might’ve been pushed into a cul-de-lagoon, it’s there they’ll likely hit pay dirt. And they do. This is why they’re scientists, man. Scuba-dooing into the crystal-clear watering hole, two science divers encounter a powerfully strong (and probably strong smelling) missing link fish man who doesn’t like unannounced pool guests. If he did, he wouldn’t have moved out of the city.

The Creature From The Black LagoonBefore Fish Lippy makes his presence known, though, he shadows the supermodel, who just jumped in for a sexy swim. In one of sci-fi’s most erotic moments, the creature swims upside down just mere feet below her, simulating the act of reproduction. Time to cancel his Match.com account as he just found his new gillfriend. Heh.

The Creature From The Black Lagoon

Escaping several confrontations with the brilliantly designed monster, it’s well past time to get the float outta there. But the creature, cleverly blocking their passage with fallen tree parts, stalls them long enough to grab the girl and make for his underwater lair so that he may snorkel her blow hole.

Fortunately, the last scientist swimming, whose engaged to the supermodel, has a harpoon – and not the one in his trunks. Unfortunate, then for Fishy. Quite the thriller for 1954, and the never-been topped creature, who still has you making seaweed extract with your dinghy.

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