Exit Humanity: Old Time Zombies

Exit Humanity. Another zombie movie. Gee, it’s like Christmas all over again. Sigh. No matter how much I command everyone to quit making these darn things, they still keep coming out. Looks like I’m gonna have to resort to tougher measures – take out ads in newspapers.

To be fair, Exit Humanity, another in a L-O-N-G line of upcoming living dead films, has a few different things going for it. For instance, it’s set in the post-Civil War days. (Yeah, I know there were other old time-y zombie movies, like Ghost Brigade/1992, Confederate Zombie Massacre!/2005, The Quick and the Undead/2006, Undead or Alive/2007 to name a few.) But Exit Humanity looks to be seriously authentic in terms of dressing/killing/eating people in the style of the times.

Then there’s the ensemble cast: Dee Wallace (The Howling), Stephen McHattie (Pontypool) and Bill Moseley (House of 1,000 Corpses). These actors are well-versed at not blowing their lines while dead people are chewing on ’em.

Then there’s the plot (as on loan from the movie’s Facebook™ page):

“Exit Humanity is a story told through the written and illustrated journal of Edward Young as he battles his way through an unexplainable outbreak of the walking dead a decade after the American Civil War. After returning home from a hunting trip to find a horrific re-animation of his wife Julia, and that their son Adam has disappeared, Edward starts to record his experiences with the walking dead as well as the unexplainable outbreak that has torn his family apart, and threatens all of mankind.”

There’s some other gunk about friendship, guidance and love that I took out because that kind of nonsense does NOT belong in a zombie movie. This shouldn’t be Legends of the Fall with Brad Pitt flesh-eating. Exit Humanity should be about shooting zombies in the face with a Winchester™ pump-action rifle or a period-appropriate cannon. And while we’re at it, maybe they could throw in some ’o those kick ass Wild West rodeo guys to do tricks ’n stuff while riding horses.

They should let me re-work the script. You know, to make it more exciting.